A letter to my baby

Hi baby, I just held a 4 day old baby, it was incredible.  I was listening to that song by Jason Mraz called I Won’t Give up, and I was so overcome with emotion.  I just busted into Nicole’s house with tears already streaming down my face.  I held her beautiful little Katie, such an angel.  Such a gift from our Heavenly Father, so sweet, pure and perfect.  I so look forward to the day that I get to hold you and love you.  I am so excited to name you and bless you and have you be with your brother Tommy, he’s the best, and you guys will be best friends.  I need you so badly baby, I need you to heal the hole in my heart.  Your brothers came too soon and they didn’t get a chance to live on this earth.  I hated saying goodbye to them and I miss them.  Please come baby when the time is right.  I am trying to be patient and I know the Lord has a plan for us, but I’m really scared.  I don’t want to say goodbye to another baby too soon.  I just want to hold you and love you and have you look at me with your beautiful perfect eyes and coo and be a wonderful little perfect baby.  I love you so much baby, please take care of your brothers while you are up there.  Tell them I love them.  Please be good baby, please come and be healthy and strong.  I have faith that you will, and until then I’m going to do the best I can to be still and courageous and trusting.